A Journal Of My Mother's Fight WIth Cancer August 19,2010

Today I again stayed with mom. The nurses constantly turned her and she was a little alert but did not open her eyes. I settled in and laid next to her. Caressing her face and kissing her cheeks, as tears rolled down mine. The hours passed slowly which was a blessing. I talked to her because she knew I was there.

8:00am

Breakfast came, mom ate very little and drank little juice. Had to give her fluids through a small syringe.

9:00am

Began to read more of the book "embrace the light", mom continued to sleep.

10:00am

Assisted with giving mom a bed bath and changing her clothes. Kissed her on her cheek and brushed her hair.

11:00am

Doctor came in and we discussed mom, appearance looks good still hoping she will be fine.

1:00pm

Mom opened her eyes and called my name. She rubbed my arm and she smiled. I pray all will be fine.

2:00pm

Sister arrived, mom was unresponsive to anyone. Sister did not understand why she would open her eyes to me and not her. Got in a little argument over being saved.

3:00pm

Went outside to get some fresh air. It is an oven outside and I feel anxious and exhausted. I cannot leave mom's side.

4:00pm

Spoke with my family and they are so understanding, told them I was staying at Hospice. They understood.

5:00pm

Spoke with family members down the hallway, they to had a mom in Hospice and were going through the same thing. All of us sat in the Hospice living room talking about our struggles, journey and pain.

6:00pm

Put my pajamas on and closed the door. Mom and I watched television together all though she was not responsive and still sleeping, I figured that we would pretend. Nurses came in and gave her Oxycontin.

7:00pm

Looked at mom and started to cry again. I remember a vibrant woman who had so much energy and now all she does is rest. I opened her eyelids and kept talking to her. It appears she is trying to focus but cannot.

8:00pm

Exhausted from the day I dimmed the lights and tried to relax in the chair. My body is stressed, my eyes are tired and I am exhausted from this rollercoaster ride. Please God let me sleep for awhile tonight and I pray mom will be o.k.

10:00pm

Nurses came back in with Oxycontin. Why do they have to give her so much for comfort? I watched them as they administered the pain medication to her. She was very comfortable and breathing well. In fact she was snoring. Settled back down to sleep.

Up through the entire night, the chair was not comfortable at all and the worries of mom were overhelming. Continually I found myself laying next to her and whispering in her ear, "I Love U's. Apparently I am suffering from mother-daughter separation.