A Journal Of My Mother's Fight With Cancer August 17,2010
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Anxious to see mom woke up early again, to see mom at Hospice. Still exhausted I know all of this is worthwhile. Thank God it is cool outside in the morning, the breeze feels great so early in the morning.
5:00 am
Arrived at Hospice. Mom was awake and smiled! She wanted to crawl out of bed. She even said my name my heart is filled with joy.
6:00am
Had a mild conversation, I hope this was not a surge of energy. Called my sisters and told them mom was alert. Hear pounding so excited. I washed her hands and face and gave her a big kiss. Her bright blue eyes are so clear. I pray she is feeling better.
7:00am
Mom began to rest and they gave her oxycontin, her back was bothering her.
8:00 am
Breakfast arrived and she ate a little and drank her juice.
9:00 am
She went to sleep, I was so excited she spoke to me, elated is a better term for how I am feeling. Looking out the window I am so thankful for how she feels, but fearful too.
10:00 am
Mom is not responsive but snoring. I shook her and her eyes opened. I hope that she has another good day. Sat down and began to read "embraced by the light", oh Faybe Bay thank you so much for those beautiful book.
11:30 am
Lunch arrived and mom at 100% and drank all of her fluids. The nurses looked at me oddly when I told them she ate all of her food. My heart pounding, but remaining hopeful.
12:30pm
Mom went back to sleep and did not choose to bother her at all.
2:00pm
Sister arrived and explained to her that mom was awake, even the nurses confirmed. She didn't appear thrilled. But she did look hopeful that maybe mom would open her eyes for her.
3:30pm
Gave mom kiss good-bye and went home. She appeared very stable and quite comfortable. Although I am feeling uneasy, I am keeping in prayer that she will do the same tomorrow.
5:30pm
Called Hospice mom still resting. Asked them if she ate dinner, they said she did not wake up for them. Maybe it is the Oxycontin?
7:30pm
Called again and nurses said mom was still sleeping. I keep in prayer that she will be fine.
9:30pm
Cannot rest and very restless. Something does not feel right but need to get up in the morning and see her.
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Thanks for your continued sharing of your journey.
Mom is at that point, I think, where she is both holding on and letting go all at the same time. Actually, it is what each of us does every day of our life as we move closer to the "end." But she is really close compared to you and I. Holding on and Letting go.
This is NOT a criticism. You probably drive Mom a little nuts with your persistent desire to connect to her like when you shake her!! AND she will always appreciate your wanting to stay connected to her, so don't stop. But it probably is annoying to her, but time is precious, so go for it. It's a both-and thing in contrast to either or. She may even "haunt" you a little later after she passes, just to get back at you!!!but that is kind of cool too!
I completely understand your worry, your anxiety, Julianna. It is so very hard to watch someone you love go through these things.
Once again, I urge you to take time for walks, meditation, and prayer. Soothe yourself.
Laurel
Oxycontin is a very strong narcotic and it would really be unusual for sometime to be very alert or want to eat shortly after taking this medicine. It is very effective for pain relief. I agree with Lorie that you need to take care of yourself also. It's important for your to stay healthy for the sake of your mom. Try to be a peace with the Lord beside you.
Thank you for keeping us informed. I am thinking of you.
What an emotional coaster...what you pray for happens and then things slip back to what you fear. This is a very exhausting journey for you. WB
DeBorrah K. Ogans Level 7 Commenter 21 months ago
Aevans, God Bless you! Praise God for a precious memory... "Casting all your cares on Him; for He cares for you" I Peter 5. May the Lord's Grace and Peace continue to keep you as your journey with your MOM continues... In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!